Co-addiction: Chains That Hurt

Emotional addiction can become a real problem. When life only revolves around a specific person, when there is no more space of its own, it’s time to break the chains.

By co-addiction we mean a form of love that does a lot of harm. The fact that something as beautiful as love can turn into a nightmare is really sad.

It happens when we get attached to a person in a way that we shouldn’t. We have not yet realized that this person does not belong to us.

Since we were little, we have been told that there is a form of property. I am yours and you are mine. However, it is a conception that we must start to change if we want to be happy.

Co-dependency: when love hurts

In all couples, in all relationships between two people, conflicts are always present. It’s totally natural, until you really dig deep into it.

When our relationship begins to be the center of everything, when we develop a co-dependence that prevents us from having a normal life, we have a real problem.

That two people decide to share their life, to love each other, to respect each other, to live together does not imply that they depend on each other. They must continue to respect their spaces and, if the relationship does not work or does not work, it does not matter!

Our life cannot depend on others, it is ours, and entrusting it to someone else is like committing suicide. This is why it is important to know what characterizes people who suffer from co-dependence :

• Their self-esteem depends on what their spouse says or not. 
• They do things that go far beyond what they want to do: they seek to meet the needs of their spouse.
• There is an absence of limits between the own ego and the other, the spouse.
• They do not dare to say no to their spouse for fear of rejection. 
• When a romantic relationship ends, they immediately jump into another relationship.

If you find yourself in any of its characteristics, surely you have suffered, or you are suffering from emotional addiction.

Let go of the chains that trap you

Imagine holding onto a rope with all your might so that it does not slip out of your hand. This effort is surely hurting your hands! This is exactly what is going on in your head. You are getting attached to someone, to a relationship that is not doing you good.

We’re not saying you have to let go of the rope. But, sometimes we are somewhat masochistic and we would rather endure excruciating pain than change things.

If you don’t dare let go, or know you should but can’t, you better do it drastically, once and for all.

Does your spouse make you happy? This relationship should be wonderful, but if you are not happy then this relationship is bound to hurt you. You cannot continue to let this situation crush you, you have to break free from these shackles. You are the only person inflicting this pain on yourself, no one is forcing you. 

Take back the reins of your life

Once you make that decision, the release you will feel cannot be described. A feeling of inner peace will fill you. 

Today you are undoubtedly afraid, you feel insecurities, your self-esteem shines in its absence and your confidence is only in this person. But if you are determined to turn the page and heal your wounds, you will move forward.

Of course, it is difficult to take the plunge. If you do not succeed, consider seeking the help of a psychologist : the latter will be able to guide you, help you gather the forces you need to put your inner world in order.

What is the root cause of your emotional addiction? What has happened in your life that makes you fear loneliness today? Is love beyond you?

Sometimes love is like a drug. It is normal to think about this person, to feel the urge to be with them all the time… But co-dependence pushes us to humiliate and belittle ourselves. You need that drug that makes you happy, even if you quit when the going gets too hard.

If that person leaves you and you look for a replacement right away, it clearly shows that you don’t know how to be alone and therefore have a problem to solve. Seek help, speak up, open your eyes to reality. It hurts, but you’re already in pain, right? You will go through a phase of abstinence, then you will find yourself with yourself. You will learn to be alone, to come to terms with loneliness. This is not a bad thing, it is even the source of a reassuring well-being. You are your best company.